the aftermath

canon digital rebel xsi

If you read my post from yesterday, you are probably wondering, what the heck happened. I am not even sure where to begin. Much of it is a big blur.

As you may have guessed, I was spared from being sent away; my sister was not as lucky. There was a bit of time (days, maybe a week) before the night that changed everything and my sister boarding a jet plane. For starters, she had to return to the mall and exchange Garfield and company for a winter coat.

There were also discussions as to whether or not this was the right thing. I wasn't really privy to them, but I do believe that my mother talked this over with her boyfriend. My sister, for the record, did not get along with him at all. Needless to say, he didn't have any problems with my Mom's plan, and on some level I do believe his approval gave my Mom the nudge she needed. I hate to say it, but he probably was also influential in my being allowed to stay.

At some point my Mom must have to come to me with the news. When my sister boarded that plane for Newark, she had no idea she wasn't coming back, but I did. I think I thought she knew, but didn't realize until many years later that she didn't. She believed it was just for the holidays. I still have this image of her walking to the gate at the airport in her new light blue puffy coat.

My Mom and I also boarded a plane - for San Francisco. We were staying with relatives who lived in Marin County at the time. I remember all of us joking about my sister being gone. They had never been fans of her either.

Things were going okay, and then suddenly, took a very bizarre turn. In the end, my Aunt, cousin, mother and I ended up at a hotel in Union Square. There was a fight. My Aunt may or may not have fallen down the steps trying to eavesdrop on my mother and Uncle's conversation, and they next thing I knew we were packing it up and driving across the Golden Gate Bridge.

Here's a random factoid. File under strange things I remember. The hotel where we stayed had "H"'s engraved on the towels. I really thought they were pretty and figured out how to write the "H", and used it in my signature from that point forward. Told you - random.

I know that it was weird returning to our apartment. I don't think I fully believed that my sister wasn't coming back. I figured if my mother didn't change her mind, my grandmother might. She was a recent widow, and while misery loves company, even my sister may have been a bit much.

I was told to clean out my sister's room. I remember finding a half-eaten PB&J under the bed. My sister was never a neat freak. I also found something that was like a diary. She didn't write in it much, but apparently had a crush on a boy. I closed the door, and we didn't go in there. My Mom said I could have her TV, but I didn't want it. We probably mailed her the rest of her things, but I have no memory of doing it.

I vaguely recall a phone call wherein it was revealed to my sister that she wasn't returning. That didn't go over well. She was pretty pissed. I couldn't blame her, but was definitely glad to have 3000 miles between us that night.

In an even more bizarre twist, my grandmother insisted that my sister be enrolled in private school. Of course, given her record, that wasn't going to be easy. It turned out though, that a space had opened up suddenly. That it itself was pretty random, but it would turn out that the student who left, was the youngest son of one of my mother's oldest friends, who it turned out was moving to northern California. He would manage to get a girl pregnant before he graduated, so maybe location doesn't matter after a certain point.

My mother and grandmother had come to some kind of agreement. She sent her money every month, even though my father lived with his mother on and off. Again, I wasn't in on all the details. At the same time though, the message being sent was that she was disowned. We rarely talked about my sister. There were no phone calls or letters. I often joked that I was now an oldest and only child. In many ways, I was.

We would move at the end of the school year. After our two years in the Valley, it was time to move up to the West Side, as promised. My Mom bought a brand-new condo with a roof deck. I felt like Cinderella. I think that was when it hit me that she really wasn't coming back. She didn't know our address.

When I started at the new school, I don't think anyone knew I had a sister. It was like this weird secret I had. Of course, eventually someone would ask, and I honestly had no idea what to say. I couldn't exactly explain this. Who would want to be friends with someone like me?

As expected, the story didn't have a happy ending. A couple of years later, my grandmother died. My sister was still a minor, and so my mother's sister agreed to take her in. Instead she robbed my grandmother's estate, and kicked my sister out. I think at that point my father stepped in, but may have also shown her the door. That was a very dark and ugly time. I was out of the house by then, so was spared much of the detail.

At one point though, my sister did call me. I was away at college. She was up to no good of some kind, and I called her on it. She told me to go fuck myself, and hung up. I wouldn't hear her voice again until after our mother died, and the call went pretty much the same way.

I have skimmed over some parts of the story, but you may already know how it ends. My sister died in March of 2003. She was 33-years old. I didn't find out until a year later, although part of me knew. The connection of sisters is powerful.


on the night stand :: Invisible Sisters